


Discarded Stalker

by Fukami_kun



Series: Song Fics [13]
Category: Hello Charlotte (Video Game)
Genre: Angst, Character Study, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Introspection, M/M, Major Spoilers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-29
Updated: 2018-03-29
Packaged: 2019-04-14 08:59:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,027
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14132664
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Fukami_kun/pseuds/Fukami_kun
Summary: If all the desires in this world were materialized in dreams, then isn’t that why they’re all nightmares? Why couldn’t things be nice and pleasant? Would it be better to have a blank dream instead of anxieties bleeding into them? Charles vacantly stared off to the side of his computer, his finger hovering over the right key of his mouse. At the edges of his mind he could feel Scarlet berating him for being such a lazy piece of shit who didn’t do his work. He blinked and tried to reject her.





	Discarded Stalker

**Author's Note:**

> hey so this has been sitting in my drafts for two weeks. i only read through it once when i edited it, cause i still dont have a beta and i really dont care anymore abt perfection. this aint that great of a fic but i just wanted to do some character studies on charles. 
> 
> by the way this is based off the song ponkotsu dystalker by sasakure.UK! since i name my songfics after the actual songs, this one was hard to translate?? ponkotsu could be interpreted as broken down or discarded, and i chose discarded. and dystalker isn't really a word, but it refers to the 'stalker' in the song, which is a baku im pretty sure. so sorry for the really lame title.......it doesn't even fit the fic that well. ;;;; ahaha
> 
> anyways, i hope you enjoy this!

If all the desires in this world were materialized in dreams, then isn’t that why they’re all nightmares? Why couldn’t things be nice and pleasant? Would it be better to have a blank dream instead of anxieties bleeding into them? Charles vacantly stared off to the side of his computer, his finger hovering over the right key of his mouse. At the edges of his mind he could feel Scarlet berating him for being such a lazy piece of shit who didn’t do his work. He blinked and tried to reject her. 

All the regrets and indictments of the world mixed and multiplied into bitterness. Charles hated it, because he knew he was a victim of it too. It’s so sad that those distorted thoughts and ideals manifested into dreams. Too bad everything was just so sad. Too bad. Charles sighed. In his mind he could only think of Vincent. That other boy was so obscure and absorbed in his idolatry, but Charles still found himself infatuated with him. Sure, he had some faults, but Charles didn’t care. If anything he wanted even more to dedicate himself to the other boy.

Charles blinked tiredly as his computer screen faded to black and went into sleep mode. He laid his arms out in front of him on his desk and nestled his head in them. Scarlet continued to chide him but as of right now, all he wanted to think of was Vincent. It seemed like all of his waking moments were spent thinking of the white haired boy. However patched or bruised he looked, Vincent was still so ethereal. The idiosyncrasy that he was so absorbed in his work didn’t mind Charles at all. In fact, it only made him adore him even more.

The scene at a rooftop still wavered in his mind. He seemed to have lost his ability to speak, but he wanted to reach out to Vincent. Charles had considered chasing after him and the path he took. He remembers how scared he was. When Vincent took his hand and smiled, it had felt as if a part of his wavering heart had been torn off. Charles sighed deeply into his arms as he tried to keep his breath steady. He closed his eyes against the long sleeves of his shirt, but he was unable to keep his tears from flowing. 

How great would it be if he could just take everything up in the world and change it to his image? If everything horrible and absurd was swallowed up and disposed of, then maybe things could be better. Charles sighed and smiled wryly into his arms. If only things were that easy. 

If only all his bitter nightmares could be relinquished and he could finally let go of Vincent, maybe life could be a bit more better, even if slightly. That white haired, haloed boy was like the stalker behind his eyelids. Charles would rather face away from the dreadful reality of the world and follow after Vincent. Dreams were pleasant pieces of fiction that he could lose himself in. He would rather throw caution away and take after sad, ominous fantasies. All of it for Vincent. 

At this point, it really was futile to try and remain grounded. It was all too easy to fall victim to daydreams. If he closed his eyes, Charles could recreate the moment just before it happened. He could picture the other boy in his mind, standing stock still at the railing of the roof in silence.

Charles would continue to use the world as a scapegoat. Isn’t it totally reasonable, though? The various aspects and idiocy of the world is so self destructive. Was there really any other party to put the blame on? Eventually the world and everyone in it would bring about ruin to themselves. Charles wiped his splotchy eyes on his wet sleeves. His eyes went to his window, where he could see the darkening sky behind the closed blinds. 

There’s always that trope in books and stories that says everything was just a dream. Why can’t that apply now? If this was all a dream then Vincent would still be here, with him. How desperately Charles wanted to believe that. If this reality was a dream and everything were fake, he wouldn’t be burdened with any unnecessary emotions. If only this world was just a transient delusion, he would want it to end. 

Charles settled his back down on his desk, cushioning it with his arms once again. In his sleep he would continue to push through dreams. It was tiring enough to deal with the daily strife of reveries. Even still, he trudged through them just for the sake of Vincent. At least in his escapist delusions, he could feel the warmth of Vincent. 

If he wanted to be completely honest, he wishes he could’ve protected Vincent. What if he had been able to say something meaningful enough to stop him? Perhaps if he were able to reach out or do something to save Vincent, things could be better. Maybe if he professed his feelings to him, it could’ve caused Vincent to hesitate.  
There were so many maybes and what if’s that ran through Charles’ mind. The fact that he liked Vincent made matters so much worse. That one moment they had together made him feel even more infatuated with him than he already was. They barely knew each other outside of their online personas but Charles could confess that he loved him. It pained Charles so much knowing that he was too incompetent to save Vincent. If only he could’ve saved him. Tears bled through his eyelids again and he sniffed in grief. Too bad that was only a dream. How great would it be if that sweet delusion was real.

Eventually, Charles fell asleep with his head in his arms. Maybe tomorrow he’d just stay home. He couldn’t bother himself to get up in the morning. Fewer and fewer times was he able to push himself out of his room and into the world. Charles didn’t want to anymore. He didn’t want to see is the cruel ending.


End file.
